@blairgarner: To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, "Here, just fill this out." ?

@RidiculousSheri: Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.

@_NTFG_: Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.

@JamieGreenlees: I thought it was impossible to do 450 push ups in a minute until I discovered lying

@Lisa_Laughs_: I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs