@sarcasm_inc: "2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS," I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle.
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@vladchoc: Your first instinct is gonna to be to spell “leopard” and “deaf” correctly. You’re going to want to resist that. – Best band manager ever.
@MUMSIEesq: SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring open containers of alcohol in here. ME: This is a service beer.
@behindyourback: My 1 yr old only says the words "no," "mine," and "bye" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "The CAT scan results are in and they have confirmed my suspicions." Me: "Okay, I'm ready." Doctor: "You're not a cat."