@themorris23: 20/__ -- Cyclops with perfect vision
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@david8hughes: [opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure] Me: whoa Friend: what is it? Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders
@Sadieisonfire: I put Infinite Warfare on Craigslist and of course I'm getting the geniuses texting me
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: You wouldn't believe the day- *puts TV remote to my ear* Hello? Hey Bob- [hand covering remote] -sorry honey, I have to take this.