@riley_fox: 2/14/16 — The Day I Got Owned Online By 1-800-Flowers
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@nevels_kendyle: Guy in restaurant: Mam, are u ok? Are u choking? Me: *wipes off drool & removes a cherry stem from my mouth that's not tied in a knot*
@DamienFahey: Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor's garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did.
@RealCarrotFacts: You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot
@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers* Wife: No H: *buys her jewellery* W: No H: *starts extreme couponing* W: *gives him all the sex*