@brianbowman73: 25 more pounds to lose and I'll be ready to be seen at my gym.
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@murrman5: [wife yelling in waterpark] "BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR" [top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT'll BE FASTER
@TheCiscoKidder: I'm convinced that my wife took 9 years of education at 3 different colleges just to win all the arguments for the rest of my life.
@BlindChow: friend: what are your plans for The Purge? [imagines broadcasting a football game w/o express written consent of the NFL] me: do a murder