@brianbowman73: 25 more pounds to lose and I'll be ready to be seen at my gym.
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@AlexRogaski: The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information
@SirEviscerate: GIRL: Spirit, should I have sex with this guy? ME: *tries to push the ouija pointer to yes but it won't move* (under breath) grandma, PLEASE
@imadepoopstoday: "Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names" - WTF? I've been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.