@slimmy_shady: 3 am phone call, "Hey, are you asleep?" Nope, Im skydiving.
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@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet
@TheMichaelRock: You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands.
@TheRealNickKay: Daddy Bear -"Someones been sleeping in my bed." Mummy Bear -"Wouldn't be the first time." Daddy Bear -"It's been 3 years Sue, let it go."
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.