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@slimmy_shady: 3 am phone call, "Hey, are you asleep?" Nope, Im skydiving.
@KentTheG: It costs today's parents $235,000 to raise a child. And that's just for the alcohol.
@glenna_opt: she died doing what she loved: looking at her phone while crossing the street
@ericsshadow: [on a date]
Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator
[her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity]
"This isn't cool man."
@TheGoogleFactz: How to keep calm in traffic jams
@samalmightysam: Overweight people know they're overweight, tall people know they're tall, why is it that stupid people don't know what they are?