@1CleverGirl1: 3 days ago I ate my daughters's m&m's while she was napping. When she woke I told her the cat ate 'em She's still mad at the cat. Dumb kid.
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@FrogAvalanche: Drug Dealer: U have to tell me if ur a cop. Cop: U have to tell me if ur a dealer. DD: U sure? Cop: Ya Im a cop, I know laws Oh damn it.
@hippieswordfish: *COPS* cop: there he is! get him! 'you'll never catch me! i'm translucent-man!' *goes translucent* cop: we can still kinda see you
@mattZillaaaa: [job interview] "So where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Getting asked this question somewhere else
@Ristolable: I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"