@1CleverGirl1: 3 days ago I ate my daughters's m&m's while she was napping. When she woke I told her the cat ate 'em She's still mad at the cat. Dumb kid.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@robdelaney: I'm literally typing this from atop a giraffe in Ghana. Her name is Coriander & we love each other.
@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.
@panmidwest: ME: it's spelled "kevin" but pronounced "kev-a-vin" INTERVIEWER: you're fired ME: you haven't even hired me yet INTERVIEWER: you're fired
@chuuew: [baby taking first step] ME: OMG! He's doing it! BABY: My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic