@FreddyAmazin: 3 horrible things in life: 1) Seeing your mom cry. 2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else. 3) Slow Internet.
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@KentWGraham: Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then.
@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
@mattZillaaaa: So apparently a neighborhood watch is not watching bad stuff happen to your neighbor's home & then taking a nap
@lwhit_the_boss: A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh & then I punched her in the face.