@FreddyAmazin: 3 horrible things in life: 1) Seeing your mom cry. 2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else. 3) Slow Internet.
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@MatCro: Me: "Aw, your baby is cute. How old?" Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?" Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
@fulciHugazombie: Like most parents, I live in fear of the day I have to explain PRETTY WOMAN to my daughter.
@chuuew: I'm not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he's just eaten a candy cane.
@Naked_Superman: Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth? Me: Why would I do that? D: ok…[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly] Me: *winks at camera*