@novicefather: [glances toward living room stenographer]
"Please read back what my wife said 45 seconds ago."
stenographer: I promise not to get mad
@zakagan: Aliens: WHY SHOULD HUMANITY BE SPARED?
Me: whoa ok, you guys have chosen the wrong dude to argue this case
@chicnlil1: Asian gangs, also known as study groups..
@Dan_Haak: [Dog Court]
Judge: How do you find the defendant?
Jury: We find the defendant, not a good boy.
*dogs family in courtroom begins to cry*
@Adar79Angie: I wish my car ran on shattered dreams instead of gas. I'd be able to make it to Canada on my failed ninja goals alone.
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