@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@decentbirthday: cop: way to go, mystery inc., you've caught yet another monster shaggy: no problem cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine shaggy: haha lets not do that
@LostFelicia: Him: You're on a diet. Why buy all this candy? Me: Because the alternative is called stealing.
@mexinonblonde: Nothing brings you crashing to reality with all the force the cosmos has to offer like: Feeling sexy AF only to have your grandchild run up behind you talkin bout, “Grammy, Grammy, Grammy!!”.
@ZiddiAkki: Me washing my car Neighbour: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.