@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
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@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this
@dreamthievin: No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge.
@sadvil: Mark Zuckerberg running for office is a terr… [Mark appears in window holding transcript of any of my convos with a girl in 2009] …ific idea
@causticbob: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.