@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.
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@TheIronSherk: Learned today that it's about 12 min after realizing there's no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are
@thebeckyard: Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house! Olive Garden server: Please stop! I'll bring more cheese to grate!
@tweetrajouhari: When famous people say that the key to great skin is like... simply washing with soap... I want them to go to jaiI for this.
@Mr_Kapowski: Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was "he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid's ears"