@lisaxy424: 30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed.
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@juicymorsel: I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@DurtMcHurtt: Rob somebody at gunpoint today, show the world how serious you are at nicknaming your new friend Robert.