@leslid79: 32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@girlontapas: Water leak. No water for 2 days. Then the plumber cut the cable line. No internet. No TV. 2 stinky teenagers. Send wine and bail money.
@stevevsninjas: HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maître D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?
@david8hughes: [soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]