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@shutupmikeginn: 346 character anecdote
@kumailn: If Billy Joel wrote "We Didn't Start the Fire" today, it would be 2 hours.
@SonOfCha: The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
@NotARatsAss: I'm one smooth operator until I have to get onto an escalator. Then it's more like a baby giraffe finding its legs.
@T_N_Crumpets: Bartender: YOU'RE the guy that drinks from the soap dispenser in the toilets?
Me: [I try to say "NO" but it's just lavender scented bubbles]
@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper
Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience
Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels