@ValeeGrrl: 37yo husband just bought himself clothes from Hollister. Please keep my family in your thoughts during this difficult time.
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@wesleybordelon: Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section.
@djdarrellripley: Me: Go to school! 9yr Old: It's Sunday. Me: Go to church! 9yr Old: I'm Jewish. Me: Convert!
@TheTweetOfGod: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
@ilovepie84: The best way to see if someone is telling the truth is to tie them to a chair and start up the ol chainsaw.