@ValeeGrrl: 37yo husband just bought himself clothes from Hollister. Please keep my family in your thoughts during this difficult time.
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@papasuncle: [commercial] "Is there a dull film on your dishes?" Me: [looking closely] Holy shit is that The English Patient?
@jergarl: One time a giant spider crawled up my sleeve. Ironically, that's also the day I learned karate on a ladder.
@Spaced_Cowboy00: Women remember something that happened five years ago. I can't remember why I stood up.
@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.