@AristotlesNZ: 3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I'm totally using that at work tomorrow.
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@NervousJr: Boss: "late again I see" Brain: think of a good excuse! Mouth: "your moms late." Brain: wow....
@PleaseBeGneiss: Stranger asks you what time it is = kinda annoying Stranger asks you what year it is = pretty concerning Stranger asks you what century it is = extremely exciting
@Donna_McCoy: Growing up, my weather app was a window. Now I need two forecasts and a radar map just to decide how I should do my hair.
@joeljeffrey: [me as a drug dealer] Me: wanna buy some acid? Guys: yeah, whaddya got? Me: I've got fatty, amino, and folic Guys: (stab me repeatedly)