@AristotlesNZ: 3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I'm totally using that at work tomorrow.
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@10InchesPlus: Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost.
@SirEviscerate: Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot.
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*