@ashleyaustrew: 4: "Mom, I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up and say bad words and eat French fries two at a time."
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@PaperWash: 4 y/o: how does Santa go to everyone's house in one night me: warp speed 4 y/o: warp speed isn't real me: neither is Santa go to sleep
@EJGomez: dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot