@OVO_Ty15: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend teeth.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953.
@Chumpstring: [parent teacher conference] TEACHER: little joey has trouble accepting responsibility for his actions PARENT: good luck dealing with that
@AristotlesNZ: If a cop is at the door when I answer, I yell into the house "Anyone order a stripper?" then say "Sorry, wrong house" & slam the door shut.
@bulls_horns: 25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.