@BuckyIsotope: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Trident sugarless gum. The 5th dentist is busy butchering protected wildlife.
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@DothTheDoth: If a demon ever tried to possess me my first thought would be: enjoy that debilitating anxiety my dude.
@JuliaChildCIA: "I have found our arguments quite useful - almost as useful as those I had with my father." - Spock and the guy I end up marrying.
@_itspat_: There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.
@upsidedowntrash: [carrot slice falls on the floor] Ah well I guess it's in the trash with you [potato chip falls on the floor] YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE.