@mishakey: 4 out of 5 experts agree that when you put any 5 experts together, 4 out of 5 of them will agree.
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@agathagotstoned: The plane starts going down. I say, "If we die, know that hat is hideous". We all survive. Great Aunt Mildred hasn't spoken to me since.
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: I suspect one of you wrongly uses nouns as verbs. Everyone turns around and stairs at me.
@toomanytoes: Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard.
@KeetPotato: wife: "he never reacts appropriately, just tell him" doctor: "ok, keith we had to remove both your legs" me: "where will i keep my car keys"