4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a "world’s best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

@ElgatoEsmio: If I had a time machine I’d destroy the invention of autotune and say “good luck being famous now you talentless brats!"

1

@snmrrw: facebook is down where are we gonna keep all of our faces

4

@pseudo_fred: This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses INSIDE of the cars, at least?

49

@ForEllieSylvia: Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?

48

@HumanPog: sometimes if i'm having trouble falling asleep i just pretend i'm watching lord of the rings

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