@vivalamoi448: 4 yo: Mommy, it feels so good. Me: What does? 4 yo: To be a gangster. Me: ... Go tell your father I said to come here.
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@beisswrandon: The best way to get your kid to play with 800 toys at once is to tell then you're going to donate them to charity.
@YayForJam: Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart
@Jake_Vig: Survival Tip: If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct.