@smilely_gal: 5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl's.
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@Sal0630: GF looking at lines in carpet: Aww, you vacuumed for me? Me: *flashback to me rollerblading in the living room* Sure did, babe.
@FunnyMojoJojo: I went to bed last night and my brother came out of the closet and scared the shit out of me, I forgot we were playing hide and seek...
@itsthatAsh: Commas are the coolest punctuation, because they're like "Yeah, you haven't got time to stop, but you can chill for a little bit."