@VerifiedDrunk: 5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies
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@Carbosly: There's this guy at work who's giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow. His name was Tom.
@Ideal_Victoria: *puts up baby gates all around the outside of my house* There. That should keep 'em out.
@JP_theAntiHero: Sometimes I think you have good taste in clothing as I try on your sundress. Other times I think you need a better home security system