@VerifiedDrunk: 5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies
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@Flykins: COP: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "It was way easier than solving a murder?"
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: Often when swimming I still cross ankles and try to mermaid kick. Then I swim up to a random guy and sing to him until he calls security.