@VerifiedDrunk: 5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies
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@ohthatbadger: They agreed upon 'almond milk' when the original name – flavoured nut water – was rejected by test audiences, for whatever reason…
@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage
@Reverend_Scott: Batman: Introducing, the Robinmobile. Robin: I'm so excited! *curtain opens* Robin: Bruce, that's a car bed... Batman: You're welcome.
@iscoff: if you eat one piece of bread shortly after you're born and another piece right before you die, all food is a sandwich