@ruslg1: 50 shades of grey = my Liver
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@ThaJawn: (playing Monopoly) Hour 1: Why don't we play this more? Hour 16: *holding bloody napkins to nose* Does it look broken?
@DanMentos: [first date] "so what do you do?" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager
@Reverend_Scott: Have you decided on dinner? "Yes, I'll have the chicken, grilled." Very good. *hears waiter yelling at chicken* WHERE WERE YOU LAST TUESDAY