@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*

@AristotlesNZ: Me: *opens door* Yes? Him: Hi. Can I have a minute of your time to talk to you about The Lord? Me: ..Of The Rings? Him: Uh No.. *door slam*

@murrman5: [while listening to halloween sounds cd I bought] spooky huh [friend on road trip with me] yeah but got anythin else its like a 6 hour drive

@batkaren: Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes.

@Izianikapani: Given my love of animals and hatred of housework, I predict my cause of death will be choking on a fur ball.