@SpongeBobMovie: 50 Shades of Yellow. #SpongebobMovie #SuperBowl
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@Glenny_Baby: I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead.
@onion_an: Therapist: What's the problem? Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me [petting a bee]: You're not strange are you Alan
@Brampersandon_: [zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
@longwall26: Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist ★☆☆☆☆