@68Cly29: 50 shades - only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer, it would be another episode of criminal minds
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@jaelteon: interviewer: do you have any experience in a leadership role? me: well, I am the group admin for a WhatsApp group
@AndyShulk: When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
@DaddyJew: Me: just cuz my resume is on a napkin doesn't mean it's not good Employer: there's a chicken nugget stuck to it Me: oh is there? *winks*
@_troyjohnson: 5yo: "Dad we don't have a chimney. How will Santa get in?" Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what? Me: what?