@hipstermermaid: "500 Days of Summer" was pretty good for a movie I was expecting to be about global warming.
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@IronballsMcGinT: A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the "wrong person," which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.
@Parentpains: My wife and I play trivia pursuit a lot, it's where she ignores me until I correctly guess what I did wrong.
@poopiest: It is 2022. Everyone has bought a pair of beats by dre. Doctor dre chuckles, his mind control device is ready
@AlexReekie: There’s plenty more fish in the sea “Actually we’ve 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod” I’m bad at consoling dumped friends