@TFLN: (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.
@tastefactory: *slides into home plate and crowd goes wild* Hey everybody, be quiet for a minute! *pulls out phone, dials number* Hi mom, I got home safe.
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes