@Shock_Monster: 54% of IKEA purchases end in divorce.
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@TheCatWhisprer: [cats at shelter] Where's Frank? "Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."
@_sanshandle: I'm not an animal expert but feeding your pet chimp Chinese food doesn't seem right. Then again, neither does owning a pet chimp.
@bulls_horns: 1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
@Torriable: I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can't even afford A washer or a dryer