@LurkAtHomeMom: 5's friend told him his mom makes play doh. Thanks Pinterest. I'm already expected to cook 3 meals a day, now I have to cook their toys too?
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@shutupmikeginn: "Dont put all your eggs in one basket," is a lie perpetuated by Big Basket to sell more baskets
@koalaslament: put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man.
@TheAlexNevil: Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her "insurance would call" me. Someones still carrying a torch!