@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."
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@wolfpupy: the blood of the innocent will run in the streets? maybe it should get a car or at least use the sidewalk
@Carbosly: When my boss asks me if I can "take a stab at this", I always hope she'll point to that coworker we all hate.
@dave_cactus: ME: Sorry I'm late, I had computer problems. BOSS: Hard drive? ME: Nah, there was no traffic, just the computer problems.