@bobbiejo448: 5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world.
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@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Mr Hughes?" "Yeah." "We need u to come pick yr son up from school." "Ugh. Whats he done now?" "Nothing. Its nearly midnight."
@ojedge: [red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]
@fro_vo: [job interview] interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years? me: that's a trick question there is no c in any of those words