@bobbiejo448: 5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world.
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@dumbbeezie: Meteorologists are always good looking because we won’t stand for being lied to by ugly people
@AndyAsAdjective: [restaurant] can I get 8 single slices of pepperoni pizza please? -how bout just one whole pizza instead? oh no I can't eat a whole pizza