@The_JRM: 5yo's pretending she's a tourist at a hotel. All good, but I draw the line when my services are criticized because the "toilet's too cold."
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@joe_binkley: Things that are loud: Jet engines Dynamite Opening a bag of Sun Chips at a funeral Rock concerts
@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*
@PaperWash: vampire waiter: would you like to order? customer: I'll have a steak vampire waiter: [sweating nervously] what...wuddya need a stake for?