@DadInUtah: 6 year old: Daddy, what if the plane goes down? Me: Don't worry, your mom is with us. She never goes down. 6 year old: What? Me: Want candy?
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@oakhillbargrill: - grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America
@Blarebare: The pet groomer didn't appreciate the 10 dollar bill I slid across the table to give my dog the "happy ending".