@DadInUtah: 6 year old: Daddy, what if the plane goes down? Me: Don't worry, your mom is with us. She never goes down. 6 year old: What? Me: Want candy?
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@iwearaonesie: wife: how is it outside? me: windy. almost blew one kids hat off and some guy's trying to figure out how to get his smart car out of a tree
@krishna_van: Woke up at 6 & went for a jog before hitting the gym for an hour. Now I'm back home, making up a bunch of absolute bullshit about my morning