@badbanana: 65 mph wind gusts today. This is why Midwesterners are heavy. Everyone else rolls away like a tumbleweed.
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@tanialunreal: Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
@Sheginger: My healthy friend invites me to dinner Me: But you said pasta. Her: The zucchini IS the pasta. Isn't that cool? Me: Yep. More wine please.
@ch000ch: YouTube: hey we saw u watched a video about a thing Me: great, would it be possible to fill my entire feed with that thing, forever?
@djdarrellripley: Me: (Sigh) There she is. Him: Sounds like you're still carrying a torch for her. Me: Yea, like the villagers carried one for Frankenstein!