@badbanana: 65 mph wind gusts today. This is why Midwesterners are heavy. Everyone else rolls away like a tumbleweed.
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@GrandadJFreeman: That walk of shame when you fail at throwing a ball of paper into the garbage.
@EndhooS: If you legally change your name to 'You're Free to Go' then it's impossible to get arrested.
@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.
@Parkerlawyer: My internet has been out for 24 hours and now my kids are moving out. That was easy.