@Sean_Burgundy_: 66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you're mad
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@markleggett: HOBBIES INCLUDE: - Whispering dark secrets to animals - Trying to get a strawberry seed out of my teeth - Being vegan, but also eating steak
@robfee: Make your employees work 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you've been under water for too long.
@murrman5: can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman "ok" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] "don't look at me"
@SenatorBigfoot: *dies & becomes a ghost* Wow! The philosophical & theological repercussions of this are staggering! I've got to tell-- *is eaten by Pac-Man*