@Sean_Burgundy_: 66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you're mad
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@seancoleran: Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles....
@MinedOvaMatter: If you never include your body in your selfies, I am forced to assume that you don't have one. Carry on floating head selfie chick.
@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.