@Sean_Burgundy_: 66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you're mad
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@shesananteater: One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"
@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.