@Sean_Burgundy_: 66% of being a woman is just hiding the remote when you're mad
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@HavocMantis: Whenever I experience happiness, I signal this to other humans by showing the sharpest part of my skeleton.
@ComedicBust: As the house burned down, my wife asked me to grab the photos, but she didn't say our wedding ones. Anyway, here's my dog and I wearing hats
@swiftenhaal: Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention.