@stats_canada: 66% of Canadians were unimpressed with "The Revenant", or as it's known in Canada, "Pretty Average Day"
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@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.
@TheTweetOfGod: Nancy Grace just called pot smokers "fat and lazy". Right. Unlike the buff marathon runners home 4 o'clock on a Monday watching your show.
@ElleOhHell: 911? I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! "That's not exactly an emergency." Oh. Huh. Ok. *Tries door in Statue of Liberty again*