@anylaurie16: 7 yo son asked how Grandpa got lung cancer. I said, "Well, he quit a long time ago, but for many many years, Grandpa played Minecraft."
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@mewritesgood: I bought my nephew a drum set because: A) I'm an awesome uncle B) Learning to play an instrument is important C) I hate my sister
@rachellinfox: Sister posted on FB: pray for me, I have a test tomorrow. My comment: it's cheating if Jesus helps you. Solidifying my black sheep status
@AnneeWH: A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
@thenatewolf: Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don't confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.