@anylaurie16: 7 yo son asked how Grandpa got lung cancer. I said, "Well, he quit a long time ago, but for many many years, Grandpa played Minecraft."
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby.
@juliussharpe: With all the conflicts in the world, the board game Risk has taught me the first thing we should do is invade Australia.
@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
@RidiculousSheri: It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly