@Birdhumms: 70% of being married is just wondering which of us is going to benefit from the life insurance.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@graceful_asfuck: Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here
@ArfMeasures: CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*
@rkatz94: Me: I'll have a scotch on the rocks with a twist Bartender slides drink "Your dad's alive. He's hiding in Cuba" M: Did NOT see that coming