@Manda_like_wine: 7yo: "Who's singing this?" Me: "Franz Ferdinand." 7yo: "But, he died in 1914." Me:
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LaceyNycole: 2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby! Me: Yep, there's a baby in there! Will you love it? 2: I eat it. Well that escalated quickly.
@DamonHunzeker: The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you.
@zero3_benz: You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
@bromanconsul: congrats to those who made it onto my "Not A Lizard" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum.