@Manda_like_wine: 7yo: "Who's singing this?" Me: "Franz Ferdinand." 7yo: "But, he died in 1914." Me:
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@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You’re embarrassing, ridiculous and an ill informed pseudo intellectual. ME: “Your”
@panmidwest: FOOL-PROOF PICKUP LINE: you're tall for a woman [she gets real mad right here] *place hand on hers* but the perfect height for an angel
@Dani_Feld: Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong.