@Manda_like_wine: 7yo: "Who's singing this?" Me: "Franz Ferdinand." 7yo: "But, he died in 1914." Me:
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@JennyPentland: Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn't even been able to figure out in 200 years?
@TotallyAllen: HOW TO START A CONVERSATION ON THE BUS: Look longingly out the window and remark, "Such a shame this is all just gonna burn."
@cameronrbrown: Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird.
@CornOnTheGoblin: Art Teacher: your drawings are due tomorrow me: [hours later] maybe add in some grapes police sketch artist: ..a bowl of fruit attacked you?