@1_swarthy_dude: 83% of white folks stressing about their court dates are referring to tennis.
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@peachesanscream: Doctor: "You have a blockage in your small & large intestine" Barista: … Barista: … Doctor: *Sigh* "Ok, Tall & Venti intestine."
@NicestHippo: I love killing for fun "Sociopath! Arrest him!" I mean I love hunting "Why didn't you say so my good man, want to kill together sometime?"
@Donnie_Fairburn: [trying to stick a dollar in a vending machine] vending machine: i have a boyfriend