@stats_canada: 85% of Canadian moms need you to fix their computer this afternoon
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@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.
@rickolantern: The mice in my apartment left me a note that said as long as I keep buying store brand graham crackers, there's no need for traps.
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."
@meganamram: Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name