@stats_canada: 85% of Canadian moms need you to fix their computer this afternoon
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@myles_morrison: Two men came to the door asking if I'd found Jesus. I said "Hell no. I don't want to have to spend my weekends bothering people at home."
@jonnysun: grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road
@TheHyyyype: [about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?