@jergarl: 87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math.
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@just1fool: I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet.
@SirEviscerate: OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail
@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.