@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
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@vladchoc: And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men.
@MartaEffing: Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.
@polyhumorous: I got my husband to marry me 51 days after we met. Today is our 20th Anniversary and I think he's still wondering what the hell happened.
@fro_vo: *puts on white shirt* *accidentally spills coffee* *takes off shirt* *shoves shirt into coffee pot* *puts on brown shirt*