@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.
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@jonnysun: look. life is bad. evryones sad. we're all gona die. but i alredy bought this inflatable boumcy castle so r u gona take ur shoes off or wat
@Tups13: "Of course you can trust me. Look, I'll prove it. Close your eyes and fall backwards. I'll catch you." *Bing! Twitter notification!* Thud.
@Six_Pack_Mom: Me, to 11 y.o: "You need to apologize to your sister for calling her stupid." 11: "Okkk... I'm sor- wait. Which sister?"