@Love_bug1016: 89% of my class in high school thought I was good in math because I'm Asian. Luckily the other 27% were smarter than that.
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@Staggfilms: [meeting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at Comic-Con] THE ROCK: You want me to autograph your jar of pickles? ME: What? No, I want you to open it for me.
@girlontapas: How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but... Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer.
@mommajessiec: Husband: *leaves to run an errand* Me: *crosses out “get husband to leave” off to-do list*