@ch000ch: 9-1-1 help, someone buried me alive *looks at phone* christ, and there's no wifi
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@GregDorris: I farted alone in a room and then my girlfriend's dad came in. Now I have to pretend like something is dead in the walls and help him look.
@JordanPeele: I've been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she "can't survive on dry land."
@Brampersandon_: BOUNCER: *checking ID* this doesn't look like you CATERPILLAR: *adjusts makeshift wings* its me B: oh yeah? Fly then C: uh *starts sweating*