@SouthernStylin1: 9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it!
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@chris_isloi: The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled "HOLD ON!" yet.
@NotThatNixon: Praying that Donald Trump is really just Ashton Kutcher performing his most elaborate prank yet.
@SkinnieTalls: To level the playing field, online dating sites should require using the picture in your driver's license.