@MoistPork: 9 out of 10 men prefer a girl with a big rack. The 10th prefers the other 9 men.
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@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"
@RiaWojo: I don't go out very much because I'm broke, but oh boy, once I'm rich, I'm gonna have to come up with another excuse.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!
@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.