@WilliamAder: 9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won't tell you what they're wearing.
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@Reverend_Scott: Ways to know a guy at the bar wants to take you home: 1. He talks to you. 2. He buys you a drink. 3. That drink makes you REALLY sleepy.
@Marcmywords2: Someone called me yesterday and said, "Hello, is this Ross" I said " no it's Chandler" And they hung up. So much for trying to be Friends.
@ItsJennaMarbles: Dear girls that go tanning, it's called 'sunkissed', it's not called 'dorito raped'.
@david8hughes: [laser tag] Instructor: Dude, you're not gonna run out of ammo Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let's just agree to disagree