@WilliamAder: 9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won't tell you what they're wearing.
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@cool_as_heck: ME: who's a good boy!! DOG: did you just misgender me you genderphobic heteronormative piece of shit ME: what DOG: bark
@EBenita0517: When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that.
@UnFitz: It's called "personal grooming" as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.
@novicefather: [iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?