@AllyBallyBeal: 9 out of 7 people can't do fractions
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@JohnHilsen: There were over 14,000 wars before McDonalds launched the Dollar Menu. Since launching it, there's only been 32. Those are just the facts.
@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.
@3sunzzz: I just told my son we have all the ingredients that he needs to make toast, in case you were wondering how much vodka I drank last night.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Not all guys wearing Flannel shirts are Lumberjacks." *hits tree with axe* " Take me for example. I just hate trees."